Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I looked at my own cervix.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
