you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
