a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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