i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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