my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
