I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
