break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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