The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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