Four minutes until I can fart!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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