Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
