I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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