Porn is love you can see.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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