apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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