My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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