Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
