The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
