I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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