Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
