I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
