I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
