smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
