Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize