why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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