Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
