Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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