when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
