I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
