the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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