Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
