"it" just moved
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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