Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
