Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
