Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
