Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
