Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
