just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
