worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
