i think my tv is drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
