is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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