There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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