he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
