it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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