drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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