I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dick very happy bro
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
