How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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