i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
