i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
