I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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