I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
