And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
