It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
