the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize