there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
