Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
