A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
