i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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