If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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