Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
