Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
