Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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