1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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