Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
