hell yes lets make some ravioli
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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