Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
