its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
