is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
