guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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