Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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