i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
