My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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