is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
