Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
