the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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