you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
