Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
