I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
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Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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