What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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